How far back in your story, are you willing to go? Where do you start when you tell it? Peeling the Onion, is my way of revealing those layers. Here is one of mine.
9-11, was the breaking point of my marriage. Earlier that year, I lost my little brother. That lost, placed me on a path of heartache that I've never known. It left me numb and still. My husband couldn't show me any love or support. He didn't know how to rescue me from this pain. Instead of me, always the rescuer, always the strong one, I was weak and needed lifting, but instead, I laid helpless in the darkness.
In that same year, we sold our home. The house where my brother and I spent a moment of desperation, praying for God to intervene and make him brand new, but instead, my brother got worst. A few months later, he passed away.
My husband and I lived in an apartment while we figure out and plan our future goals. We sold our house so quickly, we weren't prepared for what was coming next. As we lived in a place that made us breathe the same air and feel the very presence of each other, we both grew farther apart. The stillness led to arguments of money, accusations and lack of trust. Then 9-11 happened. So many of my family and friends live in New York. I didn't know at the time if any of them worked at the World Trade Center or may have been in that area, so when I looked up at the TV, and saw the explosion of disbelief and horror, I could only panic with the wonderment of more loss.
Again, the feeling of lost, left me numb and still. And yet again, my husband left me laying weak, in the stillness of pain and darkness, but this time, I couldn't crawl my way to the light.
Before I knew what was happening, my husband had moved out, cut me off financially and filed for divorce. It felt like I was sitting in a dark theater, watching a movie, as I set in a trance. I had no will or fight. I had no voice to cry out the pain that was living inside. All I could do, was watch this movie, waiting for the next scene.
The next scene was me receiving divorce papers. 12 years of struggle, trauma, being the strong one, pain and some laughs, but mostly tears, was written off on a piece of paper. So I folded it up and sealed it with a tear as I placed it in the dark safe, slammed the door shut and slept.
I will never forget 9-11, for this very reason. None of my family or friends were affected as far as I know, but the devastation of loss, trauma, pain and not knowing the direction of the way out of the soot and rocks, mirrored my spirit and my mind. Nope, I'll never forget how that layer changed everything that I thought about who I was. Only God could step in now, but He waited a while.